


you're not invited to our next murder

by dearhappy



Series: that's how we do it in the nine-nine [2]
Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Gen, Pre-Relationship, b99 au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 18:00:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17064455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearhappy/pseuds/dearhappy
Summary: "Says the guy who's been engaged eight times," Jason says."Yes. But never married once," Dick replies, voice edging on pride as he grins."Your tone sounds braggy, but your words are just sad," Kaldur says, frowning as he looks towards them.





	you're not invited to our next murder

**Author's Note:**

> several people asked for more but mostly i just couldn't help myself, so here it is! also this was supposed to be pretty plotless writing but that's not how it ended up
> 
> also still pretty gen but we'll get there

“Batson and Crock, how’s the Johnson case going?” Bruce asks, once he’s finished going over the standard points of their morning briefing.

 

“We have two suspects in custody. We’re letting them sit for a bit before we question them and see if either is the guilty party,” Billy explains.

 

Bruce nods in approval, “Okay, you know what to do.”

 

Artemis nods, and says, “Yes, we go in there and hit them with a phone book. If that doesn’t work, I squeeze their necks with a seesaw until they admit to their crimes.”

 

“Ah, yes. What you are referring to is called police brutality,” Jason says carefully as he pushes himself off the wall he was leaning against to pull his phone out of his pocket. “Which is very much illegal. Also, please repeat that so I can record it for definitely not blackmailing purposes.”

 

Bruce’s jaw tightens as he stares at Artemis with an assessing gaze, then looks at Billy. “Batson, don’t leave her alone with the suspects.”

 

Billy shifts in his seat but nods quickly, “Of course, sir. That won’t be happening, I’m pretty sure she was just joking anyways.”

 

“Not really,” Artemis says. Bruce sends her a glare, and averting her eyes she adds, “I… won’t do those things to any suspects ever.”

 

“Good,” Bruce nods once, shifting his gaze towards Megan. “And how’s the string of robberies going?”

 

“Really great!” Megan says, forcing a grin as she shrugs slightly, “Apart from the lack of evidence, suspects, and witnesses. So, not going well at all.”

 

“Would you like some help?”

 

“Yes. That would probably be for the best,” she replies, nodding slowly.

 

“Take Detectives West and Kent with you,” he replies, looking over his files as he does.

 

“Nice! That’s my fantasy threesome,” Wally states with a wide grin. As both of them turn to look at him with furrowed brows, weakly he adds, “Of cops working on a case together? Yay team?”

 

Bruce stares at the back wall for a moment, his jaw tightening for a split second before he looks back to the group. “Could you get to work before any of you say anything else that makes me want to fire or report you,” he says, gaze flicking around.

 

 

-

 

 

Jason lets out a laugh as he gets out of his seat moving towards the printer. “This is great,” he says as he grabs the papers, shuffling through them. “This is so great.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Wally asks as he nears him, hesitating as he squints at the papers in Jason’s hands.

 

“A virus got on the server and sent emails of everyone’s search histories,” Jason explains handing some of the papers over to him and proceeding to hand them out to the others. “Look at this, Megan looked up how to make desk yogurt.”

 

He turns towards Megan who shrugs helplessly. “I wanted to know if it was possible,” she explains, pulling out a jar filled with white liquid. “It worked! Look! The jar’s really hot though.”

 

“Gross,” Jason says, scrunching his nose as he settles back in his seat.

 

Wally snorts, reading over the list, “Billy, why are all your searches of animal videos? And John Mulaney?”

 

“Because animal videos are great. And so is John Mulaney,” Billy says, shrugging as he finally looks at the paper Jason handed him. “Anyways, what about Kaldur searching undiscovered muscle. That's an actual weird thing to search.”

 

“I thought I found a new muscle during my workout,” Kaldur defends himself, “It’s not weird.”

 

Wally snorts as he scans the sheet, he laughs, “Crock looked up magic themed single’s night. Dating life getting boring, huh?”

 

“Please, West, you can’t make fun of anyone,” Artemis argues as she points to a spot on the list. “You looked up the cheapest date possible.”

 

“Yes. Yes, I did,” Wally responds, nodding. “And I don’t regret it one bit.”

 

“You have a date?” Billy asks, sitting up as he abandons the paper on his desk in favor of shooting Wally a curious look. “With who?”

 

“A lawyer I met the other night out with Kaldur,” Wally says. He pauses, then adds without meeting anyone's eyes, "Defence attorney."

 

There’s a collective groan through the bullpen as everyone turns to look at Wally in disbelief.

 

“I can’t believe you’re going on a date with a defence attorney," Billy remarks with clear disdain, shaking his head as if he’s disappointed in Wally.

 

“In my defense, I didn’t know he was a lawyer until after I agreed to a date,” Wally points out. “But anyways, it’ll be all good. Oh, but you should know never listen to Kaldur about dating ever. You should most definitely talk about your job within the first five minutes of meeting.”

 

Kaldur rolls his eyes, “What’s your plan for the date?”

 

“Here’s the plan: I’m inviting him over. I’m going to order some take out but I’m gonna put it in a pot and pretend I cooked it,” Wally explains, grinning as he snaps his fingers and points at Kaldur. “I got that hot tip from Yahoo Answers. Downside, I need to borrow pots from Barry.”

 

"Why don't you just buy some?" Conner asks.

 

Wally scoffs, "it's our first date. I'm not marrying the guy."

 

“What? You have a date?” Dick asks, coming to a stop as he enters the bullpen.

 

“Yup.”

 

“Oh… That’s uh. That’s cool. Cool, cool, cool,” Dick says trailing off with each word as he plops down into his seat. “You deserve that. You know, cool. That’s, yeah.”

 

“What’s wrong with your mouth?” Wally asks, frowning as he watches Dick stumble over his words.

 

“Ha. What’s wrong with your mouth, title of your sex tape,” Dick replies. And spins his chair around abruptly, cutting off any questions or Wally complaining about stolen jokes, he loudly says: “Speaking of dating. Jason, I have the perfect person to set you up with.”

 

“After zero consideration, I’m going to say hard pass,” Jason replies not looking up from his phone.

 

“What? Why?” Dick says, “I’m the best at matchmaking and love.”

 

“Says the guy who’s been engaged eight times,” Jason replies, rolling his eyes.

 

“Wait. What? Eight?” Wally asks, voice raised as he looks between the two. “Eight times?”

 

“Yes. But never married once,” Dick says, voice edging on pride as he shoots Wally a grin.

 

“Your tone sounds braggy but your words are just sad,” Kaldur says, frowning as he looks towards them.

 

“Anyways,” Dick says, turning back to face Jason again. “I like to think of myself as an Angel of love who is excellent at finding love for others, but has trouble finding it for himself.”

 

“Dude,” Wally says, nodding. “I would so watch that movie.”

 

Jason hums as he tilts his head looking at them, “Oh? Well, with that in mind, I’m gonna stick with: hard pass. Now leave me alone, I’m busy.”

 

“You’re texting,” Dick points out. Jason shrugs and doesn’t acknowledge him anymore than that.

 

“Dude, seriously? _Eight times_?” Wally asks.

 

“I’m not surprised. Look at him, he looks like the kind of guy everybody wants to marry,” Artemis hums, ignoring the glare Wally sends her way.

 

“Thanks, Artemis,” Dick replies with a grin. She offers a nod in return before going back to her work.

 

 

-

 

 

Artemis corners Wally as soon as he comes back from checking the crime scenes with Megan and Conner. He pointedly ignores her as he focuses on getting snacks from the machines in the breakroom.

 

“What’s your problem with me?” she finally grits out after spending the past few minutes looking at the back of Wally’s head with no acknowledgement.

 

Wally debates whether to continue ignoring her or try talking to her, he decides on the former as he attempts to walk around her. She firmly places herself in front of him, crossing her arms as she glares at him, leaving him no choice in the matter.

 

“What makes you think I have a problem?”

 

“It’s kind of obvious,” Artemis says, glaring at him. “We’ve been working together for a couple of weeks now. And I won’t let another case go to shit like last week because you refuse to cooperate. I get that you hate me, I just want to know why.”

 

“Who said that I hate you?” Wally says, glaring right back at her.

 

“You did,” Jason inserts, not even opening his eyes. Unaware of the looks they send him as he wraps his blanket around him while laying on the couch. “Just yesterday you said, ‘Artemis, I hate you. Not joking, bye’. Now leave, I’m trying to nap.”

 

Wally glares some more at Jason, knowing this is the only time he’ll be able to without consequence, before storming out without so much as a second glance to Artemis. That doesn’t seem to stop her as she follows on his heels.

 

“Seriously, West,” she says, “Whatever it is that you’re taking out on me needs to stop. We work together now whether you like it or not.”

 

“Well, I don’t have to like it,” he grumbles.

 

“You don’t have to like me,” Artemis says, tone cutting, “But at least stop letting it keep us from doing our jobs, I don’t want to let another murderer go because you can’t get your shit together.”

 

He whirls around to face her but she shoulders past him and walks away. It takes a moment for Billy to pop up beside him with a frown.

 

“She’s got a point,” Billy says, looking between the two of them. Wally crosses his arms over his chest, glaring at Billy who doesn’t seem deterred as he shoots him a grin. “Hey, we got a tip on the hacker. You should help us.”

 

Before Wally can shoot down the idea, Billy barrels on, “Artemis is cool, Wally. You should give her a chance and stop being so rude.” He watches him and adds, “Come on, just tag along. It’ll be great. It’s the hacker, you love hackers.”

 

It takes a long moment, but Wally cracks, sighing. “Fine,” he says, “I do love them. But if she ruins it somehow I’m leaving.”

 

 

-

 

 

The hacker is slightly younger than Billy and refuses to cooperate with any of them, he tells them his name but that’s it. They take turns questioning him before deciding to question him together. None of that helps as he continues to look unconcerned while refusing to answer any questions.

 

Until Bruce walks into the bullpen. The hacker’s eyes widen as he slumps down into his seat, pulling his hood up in an attempt to cover his face. That doesn’t seem to stop Bruce from coming over, he stares at the kid, “What’s going on here?”

 

“This is apparently Alvin Draper,” Wally says, looking down at the file that they’ve been trying to fill out for the past hour. “But he goes by the screen name Red Robin, and he’s the one who hacked us.”

 

He looks sheepish as he meets Bruce’s unimpressed gaze, Bruce looks up and lets out a small sigh as he rubs the bridge of his nose. Something that Wally is glad he isn't on the receiving end of.

 

“We got an anonymous tip telling us where to find him,” Artemis adds, watching the hacker carefully. “But he refuses to cooperate.”

 

Bruce tilts his head. “I’ll take it over from here,” he says, looking expectantly at Billy for the file, who automatically hands it over. He stalks off without another word and Alvin stands up immediately, trailing him with hunched shoulders.

 

The three of them watch as they disappear into Bruce’s office. Artemis frowns, “So, that was weird. It’s not just me, right?”

 

Billy shrugs a little, looking contemplative but doesn’t answer as he looks at his phone and begins typing.

 

“No, that was definitely weird,” Wally says, crossing his arms as he watches Bruce and the hacker talk through the open blinds.

 

Artemis hums, nodding. “Well… Good work,” she offers after a moment, it looks forced a bit as she avoids looking in his direction. “It wasn’t awful working with you, West.”

 

“Yeah,” he replies. “Same to you.”

 

“Hey, are you guys finally getting along? It must be the end of the world,” Dick says, making his way towards them from the elevators he’s looking between them with a cautious gaze. Billy looks up with a grin as he nods, relays how they only argued once.

 

Dick opens his mouth to respond but pauses, eyebrows raising in surprise. “Hey, what’s Tim doing here?” he asks, nodding in the direction of Bruce’s office.

 

“What,” Wally asks, blinking as he turns towards Dick. “That’s the dude who hacked us.”

 

“He said his name was Alvin.” Artemis turns to look at Dick with an assessing gaze, “How do you know a hacker?”

 

“Oh, you know, I’m a very popular guy,” Dick replies after a beat, smirking slightly as he walks towards his own desk.

 

“Clearly,” Wally snorts, shaking his head. “Mr. Engaged Eight Times. Is he one of your exes?”

 

Dick makes a face of disgust, shaking his head quickly. “No, no, no. That’s literally the worst thing you’ve ever said to me. That's definitely not how I know him.”

 

Wally looks at him expectantly, waiting for some elaboration but he knows it's useless when Dick shakes his head and mutters something under his breath.

 

 

-

 

 

Wally thinks that Artemis has dropped the issue now that they’ve established a balance of being able to work a case without stepping on each other’s toes. It turns out that is not the case when she plops down at the table interrupting his and Kaldur’s conversation.

 

“Don’t think I didn’t realize you never answered my questions,” she states, nursing her beer as she looks expectantly at Wally.

 

Kaldur looks between the two of them. “What questions did you ask?” he asks slowly, deciding to stay and see what happens.

 

Artemis tears her gaze away from Wally to face him. Calmly, she says, “I wanted to know what his problem with me is.”

 

There’s a beat of silence. Kaldur sighs as he turns to face Wally, frowning slightly, “Wally’s been taking Roy’s absence hard.”

 

“Dude,” Wally hisses, glaring at Kaldur.

 

“Roy?”

 

“The detective you replaced,” Wally grumbles, sinking into his seat and refusing to look at her.

 

“Roy went on an undercover assignment a few months ago,” Kaldur explains. “It’s been hard for us not having him around as much. Since we've all been working together for a few years now.”

 

Artemis’ brows furrow together as she takes in the information offered. “Okay, cops go undercover all the time. They send transfers in all the time,” she says, “It’s all part of the job. It’s no reason to be a jerk. I get you miss your friend, but that’s no excuse.”

 

Wally finally looks at her. “I know,” he mutters, she tilts her head expectantly. He rolls his eyes, “I know, okay. It’s just… Sucks. You take Roy’s place in the precinct. And apparently Dick thinks you’re just _so_ great.”

 

There’s a pause as Artemis looks between the two across from her, she blinks at the weird expression on Kaldur’s face that she can’t read before looking at Wally moping. It takes a moment for it to click in Artemis’ mind as she says, “Wait.”

 

“Oh my god,” Artemis whispers as she leans her elbows on the table to look at Wally with searching eyes. “Are you jealous?”

 

Wally’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second. “What? No? Why… Why would I be jealous? I am not,” he quickly says.

 

“That’s why you were so hung up on the engagement thing! You like Dick!”

 

Wally sits up looking around the bar before scowling at Artemis. “Just announce it to the whole damn world, why don’t you?” he hisses, cheeks tinting pink cheek as he hunches his shoulders.

 

Artemis laughs as she watches his cheeks turn the color of his hair with each second, it lessens the heat of his scowl. “You don’t have to worry, loverboy,” she says finally, “I’m not interested in Dick, I'm a lesbian.”

 

Kaldur practically chokes on his drink as she finishes her sentence. 

 

"Oh." Wally blinks, the scowl disappearing. He lets out a startled laugh as what she said settles in fully, before he gives her a look that's just slightly annoyed. He nods, “Okay, cool. Still no need to shout.”

 

The guilt hits Artemis fast as she looks around the bar glad to see it’s not crowded at this time and nobody seems to be paying attention to them. “Right. Sorry, I was just surprised,” she says, “So, why don’t you just ask him out?”

 

Wally scoffs, giving Kaldur a look that clearly says, _can you believe this?_ He takes a drink, shaking his head and muttering under his breath.

 

“Dick has a strict rule about not dating cops,” Kaldur explains.

 

“Oh,” Artemis says, offering a wry smile, “That’s rough.”

 

“That’s why Wally has that date with the lawyer,” Kaldur says when Wally just shrugs and drains the rest of his drink. “It was my idea for him to get out and try to date to get over him.”

 

“Ah, I see,” she replies, nodding in understanding. They sit in silence for awhile just drinking, leaving each other to their own thoughts. Finally, she says, “Why don’t you just throw the competition? I mean, if he wins you get a date.”

 

Wally shoots her a disbelieving look. “First of all, there’s no way I’m letting him win. I refuse to let that happen,” he says, tone dead serious, “Second of all, it’s already established that he’s using the date to embarrass me as much as possible. There’s no way to turn that into me romancing him.”

 

Artemis hums, looking towards Kaldur. He seems to be thinking it over, and says, “Although, you could take him on a date if you win.”

 

“He’ll probably just think that’s Wally’s way of rubbing his win in his face,” Artemis responds, shaking her head. She turns towards the bar to get the bartender's attention and gestures for another round. “I still think you should ask him out though.”

 

Wally frowns, looking at the bottom of his empty glass. “Yeah, no thanks. It’ll just make things horribly awkward, I’m perfectly fine with how things are now.”

 

Kaldur gives Artemis a significant look as he rubs Wally’s shoulder in reassurance, he says, “You don’t know until you try. He could say yes and you could end up being great.”

 

“You two practically act like a couple half the time anyways,” Artemis argues, shrugging. Wally rolls his eyes, cheeks tinted pink again as he profusely denies her claim.

 

“You should try,” Kaldur says.

 

“He’s straight, guys, stop trying to make me look like an idiot.”

 

Artemis scoffs. “I don’t buy that, what straight guy agrees to a date with another guy that they know isn’t straight?”

 

“Come on, we all know he’s referring to it as The Worst Date in the World,” Wally argues, “It’s not serious at all.”

 

“Still,” Artemis presses on.

 

“Still. It doesn’t matter anyways, he doesn’t date cops,” Wally says, looking at them as he gestures towards himself. “And I’m a cop.” He shakes his head, “There’s nothing more I can do.”

 

They sit for a beat of silence, letting the finality of Wally’s words settle around them.

 

“We should go to that magic themed singles night I was looking into,” Artemis offers hesitantly, avoiding their gazes. “It could be fun.”

 

“I’m in,” Kaldur says immediately, grinning as he turns back to Wally. He nudges him, “Come on, you said you wanted to get out more, it might help you get over your pining.”

 

“I am not pining,” Wally replies, looking affronted and ignoring the look of disbelief that Kaldur gives him. “I’m not!” he repeats, though he knows it’s no use. “Fine, we’ll go to the stupid singles night. Whatever.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. jason definitely has files on everyone with blackmail material  
> 2\. as you might have guessed, wally & dick are oblivious


End file.
